Hmm....

I apparently start realizing I don't write enough right around the holidays. My last post was 11/30/13. It's 11/19/14 and will likely be 11/30/14 when I actually post this. Being that I have 6 minutes and my phone is about to die, so I'm gonna have to stop long enough to fix that problem.

Lately, I've realized more and more that I could probably use a therapist, being that it takes like 27 sounding boards just to get thru life on a daily basis. So, I guess I'll stick with this idea for this entire post.

That said, I recently got married and discovered that life did not (and presumably will not) change solely because of this ring I have and the one my husband is wearing. However, certain "threats" to our marriage bother me. These same threats would not and/or did not bother me when we were "married".

This is a concept I shared with my husband tonight. Piss-poorly shared with him. But nonetheless, shared with him. It was shared in such fashion largely because I don't even know how to respond, so obviously have no idea how I would hope for him to respond. I'm not even sure why I care note now than I did.

The only thing I can think is that now we have people to hold us accountable if something goes wrong. Which is disgusting. The majority of our wedding party would have held us accountable anyhow.

But also, I think somehow, damage would hurt worse now than it would have. Something abt a legal contract. I'm not even sure why. It's all very strange and makes me feel quite silly and shallow. Or, maybe, I've just gotten old relatively suddenly.

These are all things I've talked to WAY too many people to. And no one has a real answer. Especially since I really don't feel differently abt him or us. It's almost like the outside has an actual, REAL impact.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. Not just in this post. In real life. It's all very normally weird feeling.

I guess that's it.

The holidays

I hate the holidays.

If you know me, that's weird.

Every year, my house is a winter wonderland. Sometimes until June of.... you know.... 6 months later. I live Christmas.

Literally live it. There is nothing better.

Last year, decorating was rough; gramps wouldn't see it in pictures or real life.

This year, I almost dread it.

Extrapolate the rest.

The real reason...

The real reason I don't post is abhorrent.

I'm a pansy.

I was once called out to write about things that matter.  Not just what happens in my life, what's frustrating in my life, etc.

Fact of the matter is, 80% of the things I'd write about "intelligently" are things where I'd use my surroundings (people I know) as an example.  It ALWAYS causes SOME sort of drama.  And usually not with the people I'm actually referencing.  It's almost always someone I don't have in my mind when I'm writing. 

I'm not a pansy.

I'm not gonna hide behind a keyboard and post anonymously.  I'm not going to put a disclaimer on the top of every post I write.

I recently posted on Facebook that I'm suddenly fascinated by adolescence because in the UK, child psychologists are expected to treat "kids" until they are 25 and older.  My intent has been to research it (in a LOT more depth, but not like I'm gonna major in it and will eventually go on to get my masters and have to defend the research or anything) and then write a blog about my findings and state my opinion.  

Fact of the matter is, I know several people who are 25 or older, who I would guess would still be classified as an adolescent.  I know that if I used their situation as an example, I'd get angry texts and whatnot.  So I'm a little bit shying away from the idea of actually doing this "project."

Another friend recently was telling me I should start writing professionally or publicizing my blog or writing for a blogging team somewhere that's already popular.  I don't feel like my writing skills are at that level. 

My pansy side is what is keeping me from being at that level.

I could write some fairly hilarious things about this whole government shut down.  I'd have fun researching it and writing about it.  It would be for amusement only.  But that's about where I'm tapped out.  

I don't want to write to piss people off, but I also don't want to NOT write so I don't piss people off.

It seems like an impasse.

That moment

You realize you're an adult.

In many ways your decisions have fewer consequences (they tend to have less options) and in many ways they can hurt you for years instead of months.

The decisions become harder.

How you handle even just the day-to-day becomes a dilemma.

Selfish is sometimes the way to go. But when?

Rising above. Taking the higher ground. It's often the best way.

But when do you break?

Seems it all floods you in a few seconds.

That moment sucks.

Selfies..... I've complained about this before, right?

As far as I'm concerned, Selfies are stupid. I was gonna say pathetic. But stupid seems more appropriate.

No matter your age (sort of), you've probably fallen prey to Selfies. Whether it be because you've had to see them or because you've posted one.

Regardless of why you've fallen prey, I feel an apology is due because of my generation. We are pathetic losers. Period.

Senior year of college, I would have been utterly appalled. And at the time, my biggest issue with social media (based on studies) was basically that it took the personal out of communication like a self checkout did at the grocery store.

It's gone far beyond that. FAR beyond that. And I am not beyond the influence. I take Selfies fairly regularly. I feel the difference between my Selfie and the regular is that I take "true" Selfies.

I take pictures of a bloody finger or me looking like some kind of idiot ready to kick a run in the butt. But you'll never see me taking (and posting) a selfie of myself (is that even the right grammar) going on the town.  Granted going on the town is something I don't do often. Really, I went thru a TON of my profile pics and just pics with me tagged. Most of them weren't selfie-afied. They were pics my FRIENDS took. Or pics of me and my FRIENDS together. Our pics of me and children to little to take pics of me and them together.

Call me old fashioned. Selfies are just overly social media-ed "photos" that say, "this is me. Aren't I hott? Please say so. Because if you don't, I'm not totally sure why we are Facebook friends."

Maybe my  insecurities have played out as security. Go thru my photos. They are me in face masques with friends, pre run with friends, "selfies" with children, group shots, etc.

I dare you to look thru them and not know the basic Kristen.

Seriously, I dare you.

I'm a basket case. I'm a nut. I'm weird. My randomness will always be random while sightly predictable. Honestly, there are no words.

Selfies are for dating sites. If you want to fake people out. That's it.

Facebook is for your friends to keep in touch with your day to day. More than likely, you're not gonna date someone who has been a Facebook friend for 5 years (depressing).

Stop with the selfies. Especially selfies that aren't recent. They're lies unless with coupled with WHY your life is sad enough that a 2 year old selfie is your profile picture.

Really, tho. They are a lie that wouldn't have been a "thing" as few as 8 years ago. Let it go. Be yourself. If you have the friends.