Coupledom.

Yes.  Coupledom.  It’s supposed to sound daunting.  It is daunting.  It’s shit.  I’ll be frank.  Couples suck.  I know very few couple who do not and I love them for it.  If they were reading this blog, they would know who they are, because I have personally thanked them for it.

I love my friends but hate them as couples.  They’re gross (I really don’t wanna see someone stick their tongue inside anyone else).  They can’t not be right next to each other while we’re all (meaning several couples and a few single people) together.  If they are near each other, they’re touching each other.  And if one single person talked to one person in a couple, the other half has to interject.  So, these people, many of whom aren’t married, completely lose their identity as soon as they become a couple and no longer care to have friendships/relationships with other people.  So, in essence, they always have to be a couple.  Couples hang out with couples or their single "friends" all the time - as long as they are together.  And they prefer to only be with other couples.  Something about being able to talk about similarities in their relationships makes them happy.  (Stupid)

To help illustrate my annoyances with couples, I'm going to use three case studies.

Case Study Number One 

I know this one couple.  Well, ok, I know probably hundreds at this point.  But this specific couple is overly annoying (like many of them).  The participants of this couple are both good friends of mine.  They haven't been together for too long.  They are always together.  Have some sort of "schedule" that keeps them busy.  Have curfew.  The list goes on and on.  They're one of the couples where at first, you just think everything is going to go well and then suddenly you start noticing things.  You realize that one of them has started changing.  A lot.  It's not necessarily for the good or the bad, but it is definitely changing to more like the ideal person for their "partner."  The changes may be subtle, they may not be.  And the "changee" may not have asked the "changer" to change, but the "changer" still changes for the "changee" for God only knows what reason.  For this particular couple, the "changer" has begun growing more "religious," judgmental, and has started living more like the "changee" would hope for their future spouse.  Kinda makes me wanna gouge my eyes out.  And then rip my heart out.  Probably stomp on my heart.  Maybe poke my brain through my temples or the roof of my mouth.  Point being - there isn't much about this couple that I can tolerate.

Case Study Number Dos

This couple is different from the others.  In that when I'm with them, all I really want to do is gag.  This couple is so raunchy, I have friends who refuse to hang out with them.  They have given graphic details about their sexual relationship and when they grace us with their presence have a tendency to stick their tongues inside each other.  Ok, that was more graphic than planned.  Sorry about that.  Anyhow, they're so gross when they're together, I don't really want to say more.

Case Study Numero Three

This couple is a model couple.  I say this because they aren't gross.  They aren't annoying.  They can hang out with out each other.  If they aren't together and we're waiting on the other - they'll even let someone else check to see where they are.  That... That.  Is.  Not.  Normal.  They are awesome.  They are really one of the only couples that I can tolerate without wanting to shoot someone in the middle of hanging out with them.

Theory

Couple 1 is full of religion.  They're horny (I'm assuming).  And they are saving themselves.  And they "getting to know each other" so that they know if they should get married.  Thus the changing.  And other stupidities.

Couple 2 is young.  They are quite young.  And still all dumb.

Couple 3 is at the right age and at the same time of their lives.  They have the same opinion on a lot of things.  And neither of them would have to change to be "ideal" to the other.  This is why they are normal.

Conclusion

Couples are stupid.  Unless they are willing to be like Couple Tres.  Not change each other.  And not change.  And still be friends with single people without making people want to commit suicide.