Has the impending doom of something you never wanted to face gone from impending to real in 2.7 seconds?
And I don't mean death. Not of yourself, but of a loved one. Everyone's been there. And I don't mean that. Because if that were my question, not one person could say that they hadn't. And, if by some off chance you're reading this and can, I probably hate you.
So much death has been around me, I think I've officially found a way to be callous about it. Be jealous.
I feel like I am forever waiting for "bad" things to happen. Not because I'm a pessimist - or so I like to think. But because I'm a realist.
I've recently become aware (due to a bomb drop) that I'm truly never going to have a truly healthy relationship with David, my boyfriend. And that sucks. I'm not going to go in to detail as to why this became something I was aware of, but I will tell you this: it's a shocking, disturbing, saddening, and truly mortifying reality (look up mortification/mortifying in the dictionary - it makes that sentence more awesome in the grand scheme of this post).
This bomb doubled as a nail. In a coffin.
Something I have held dear (outside of my relationship with David) for years has officially been buried and has to be over for David and I to be healthy as a couple. But that hasn't actually happened. And probably won't.
And to make sure you understand how shitty this is: David and I won't be happy until someone dies. Not necessarily one of us. But someone. To kind of put it all in perspective (and that's me being coy in case someone I don't want to read this reads this....).
Long story short: I got screwed. I got betrayed. And really have no place to go.
To "fix" this as best I can, I have to run. And that won't be good. And will suck.
So fuck.
