Nail in the Coffin

Has the impending doom of something you never wanted to face gone from impending to real in 2.7 seconds? 


And I don't mean death.  Not of yourself, but of a loved one.  Everyone's been there.  And I don't mean that.  Because if that were my question, not one person could say that they hadn't.  And, if by some off chance you're reading this and can, I probably hate you.


So much death has been around me, I think I've officially found a way to be callous about it.  Be jealous.


I feel like I am forever waiting for "bad" things to happen.  Not because I'm a pessimist - or so I like to think.  But because I'm a realist.  


I've recently become aware (due to a bomb drop) that I'm truly never going to have a truly healthy relationship with David, my boyfriend.  And that sucks.  I'm not going to go in to detail as to why this became something I was aware of, but I will tell you this:  it's a shocking, disturbing, saddening, and truly mortifying reality (look up mortification/mortifying in the dictionary - it makes that sentence more awesome in the grand scheme of this post).  


This bomb doubled as a nail.  In a coffin.  


Something I have held dear (outside of my relationship with David) for years has officially been buried and has to be over for David and I to be healthy as a couple.  But that hasn't actually happened.  And probably won't.


And to make sure you understand how shitty this is:  David and I won't be happy until someone dies.  Not necessarily one of us.  But someone.  To kind of put it all in perspective (and that's me being coy in case someone I don't want to read this reads this....).  


Long story short:  I got screwed.  I got betrayed.  And really have no place to go.


To "fix" this as best I can, I have to run.  And that won't be good.  And will suck.


So fuck.