David Bowie. We've all heard the bloody song. And it's likely to get stuck in our heads forever if we listen to it, right? Yeah. You know I'm right.
So, really, life is full of changes. This is something I'm learning to deal with... Well, supposed to be learning to deal with... And I'm not doing so great at learning to deal with it.
I am 22 and with that comes weddings. Not mine (obviously). TONS of weddings of my friends and family, people I love, people I barely know, etc. But not only do weddings come, but damn babies come. And those of my friends who aren't married are at least dating each other which changes stuff. And this paragraph makes it seem like I am totally obsessed with the lives of my friends and the fact that they have significant others (or are each other significant others). But this is not the point.
These changes have hit my family hard core. My baby sister lives in another state. My baby brother is off at basic training for the military. My big brother is married and has two kids. My dad's birthday celebration is going to be me, my mom, my dad, and my best friend. What the hell?! This is not something I'm getting used to. I'm used to a chaotically huge family and lots of screaming and yelling (but only because that's the only way to communicate because it's so loud).
My sister-in-law, Arielei came to my house last night. She and Nathan had borrowed some DVDs and she was returning them. In the bag with the DVDs, she put a picture of me and baby niece at her wedding. Her wedding was almost 2 years ago already. The picture is adorable, but due only to my baby niece (fortunately, you can barely see my face, but I'm kissing her). She is absolutely precious. And I have a picture of her on my phone now, and she is at least twice as big.
This picture is really what got me thinking.
My baby niece's picture on my phone now is already about six months old. And she was big then. I haven't seen her since then and can't imagine how big she is now. And I'm not even sure when I'll see her next. My point is - everything changes. Whether we like it or not. Stuff happens. Life moves on whether you're there for it or not.
It's getting annoying.
My baby brother and his wife are also moving to another state at the end of this summer. I'm going to be the only kid in my family still near my parents. I'm the second oldest. I'm the craziest. And honestly, I'm the most independent. I'm the only one with a college degree (two siblings are working on theirs, though).
And still, I'm the one being left behind.
I'm not jealous. I just wonder what happened to me. How come I'm not doing something real with my life? After college, you're supposed to be able to start doing something awesome. I have the same job I had in college - which is really the only thing I have going for me. I love my job. I'm paid well, I get fed every day, I can look like shit when I go to work, the list goes on and on. But a job isn't a life.
So I was talking to my best friend about all of this this past weekend and I had been thinking about it for a while, so I ended up getting sort of emotional and he'd been drinking so he was already emotional... And all in all it was probably a bad time to talk about it. But he went on and on about how I was not being left behind because no one our age likes their job much less loves it. And most of them don't even have a steady-paying job.
When I said that that wasn't my point because my point was that I didn't have anything real to show, he hit me. I'm pretty sure I didn't deserve to get hit and I'm pretty sure that was rude. The point I was trying to make is that even if my friends have lame jobs and maybe don't like them, at least they all have something to show. They've contributed to the world by marrying someone or by giving birth to someone.
Since this talk, I've decided I just need to get un-brainwashed. Church and family and stupid frikkin society all has be brainwashed to believe that marriage is the way to go. To be a "good" woman, you get married and have kids. I just don't get it. And if you love Jesus, you need to keep your pants on, so it's like you're going to get married super young and since a ton of my friends love Jesus (which is good, I'm not knockin it), they're all married just to be sure they lose their virginity on their wedding night and only have sex with the one person and having kids already and are my age which is young (comparably speaking).
Right now, I have no intention of ever getting married. Jonathan keeps saying I'm an idiot and I'll probably get married. And my boss has said that I'd be a waste of a woman. Other people all have their lines for why they think I'll get married. This all means that I have to decide that I can be a "good" person and contribute in other ways even if right now I'm contributing and have an awesome life only because I have a good job. Who knows. I'm rambling. I just need a shift in my beliefs/thoughts, I guess.
And just in case overly-sensitive people read this - I'm not saying my friends are all stupid because they got married young, I'm just saying that my Jesus-loving friends all got married way younger than my non-Jesus-loving friends (who are all funner, easier-to-be-with couples anyhow). I love all of my friends, Jesus-loving or not.
These changes have hit my family hard core. My baby sister lives in another state. My baby brother is off at basic training for the military. My big brother is married and has two kids. My dad's birthday celebration is going to be me, my mom, my dad, and my best friend. What the hell?! This is not something I'm getting used to. I'm used to a chaotically huge family and lots of screaming and yelling (but only because that's the only way to communicate because it's so loud).
My sister-in-law, Arielei came to my house last night. She and Nathan had borrowed some DVDs and she was returning them. In the bag with the DVDs, she put a picture of me and baby niece at her wedding. Her wedding was almost 2 years ago already. The picture is adorable, but due only to my baby niece (fortunately, you can barely see my face, but I'm kissing her). She is absolutely precious. And I have a picture of her on my phone now, and she is at least twice as big.
This picture is really what got me thinking.
My baby niece's picture on my phone now is already about six months old. And she was big then. I haven't seen her since then and can't imagine how big she is now. And I'm not even sure when I'll see her next. My point is - everything changes. Whether we like it or not. Stuff happens. Life moves on whether you're there for it or not.
It's getting annoying.
My baby brother and his wife are also moving to another state at the end of this summer. I'm going to be the only kid in my family still near my parents. I'm the second oldest. I'm the craziest. And honestly, I'm the most independent. I'm the only one with a college degree (two siblings are working on theirs, though).
And still, I'm the one being left behind.
I'm not jealous. I just wonder what happened to me. How come I'm not doing something real with my life? After college, you're supposed to be able to start doing something awesome. I have the same job I had in college - which is really the only thing I have going for me. I love my job. I'm paid well, I get fed every day, I can look like shit when I go to work, the list goes on and on. But a job isn't a life.
So I was talking to my best friend about all of this this past weekend and I had been thinking about it for a while, so I ended up getting sort of emotional and he'd been drinking so he was already emotional... And all in all it was probably a bad time to talk about it. But he went on and on about how I was not being left behind because no one our age likes their job much less loves it. And most of them don't even have a steady-paying job.
When I said that that wasn't my point because my point was that I didn't have anything real to show, he hit me. I'm pretty sure I didn't deserve to get hit and I'm pretty sure that was rude. The point I was trying to make is that even if my friends have lame jobs and maybe don't like them, at least they all have something to show. They've contributed to the world by marrying someone or by giving birth to someone.
Since this talk, I've decided I just need to get un-brainwashed. Church and family and stupid frikkin society all has be brainwashed to believe that marriage is the way to go. To be a "good" woman, you get married and have kids. I just don't get it. And if you love Jesus, you need to keep your pants on, so it's like you're going to get married super young and since a ton of my friends love Jesus (which is good, I'm not knockin it), they're all married just to be sure they lose their virginity on their wedding night and only have sex with the one person and having kids already and are my age which is young (comparably speaking).
Right now, I have no intention of ever getting married. Jonathan keeps saying I'm an idiot and I'll probably get married. And my boss has said that I'd be a waste of a woman. Other people all have their lines for why they think I'll get married. This all means that I have to decide that I can be a "good" person and contribute in other ways even if right now I'm contributing and have an awesome life only because I have a good job. Who knows. I'm rambling. I just need a shift in my beliefs/thoughts, I guess.
And just in case overly-sensitive people read this - I'm not saying my friends are all stupid because they got married young, I'm just saying that my Jesus-loving friends all got married way younger than my non-Jesus-loving friends (who are all funner, easier-to-be-with couples anyhow). I love all of my friends, Jesus-loving or not.
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