B as in Bagina

I’ve never really thought of myself as “your average girl.” I’m kinda a freak for one thing. I really have no “normal” setting. I’m rather weird. I have few emotions considering the fact that I’m a possessor of a vagina. I hate most girls. And, honestly… I’m more man than half the dudes I know.

(Damn. Really. Blogging is weird. I’m typing about me.)

The point to the first paragraph is that I love to hang out with dudes and hate to hang out with groups of girls. I miss every girl night I can and have never, ever been to a “women’s retreat” or any such nonsense. I barely like bachelorette parties. I like to play some video games (though, I don’t hump my own dead body when I play Halo…). I have heard the following conversation too many times:

Guy 2: I was checking out with this chick –--

Guy 1: Dude, mixed company.

Guy 2: Kekky’s not a girl. She’s one of the guys.

Guy 3: Well, not really one of the guys. She’s just… Kekky.

Guy 1: Good point.

Guy 2: Ok… So I was checking out this chick and…

Yeah. I’m not a guy… Because I have a vagina and boobs. But I’m not a chick either ‘cause I’m too awesome. I’ve never really been sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. I’m guessing good because I hate how chicks are so emotional.

Here comes a not-so-well-planned subject change. (I’ve been called the Queen of Non-Sequitors before.)

Recently, I’ve been “rejected” twice by dudes. Not that I put myself out there all hardcore and told ‘em I liked ‘em or anything. But we were sorta dating or whatever and then suddenly they were “hanging out with another girl.” So both of these guys were actually pretty decent guys. Nothing had been “made official” and none of us used the words “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” but there was that overarching knowledge that we were “seeing each other.” So, with the first guy, I was kinda pissed. My only reason was because he used the words, “…really like you, and if we ever get married…” Obviously, that wigged me out pretty good. Then the second guy said that he felt (yeah, he “felt”… that’s creepy) that I didn’t really prioritize him and didn’t spend enough time with him.

I only gave full details of these two situations to a few people. There wasn’t really any reason to why I only told a few people besides that I didn’t care too much. However, after the second guy, I realized that I’m really not great at being “rejected” and it’s probably only because I normally do the rejecting (it’s true even though it sounds wicket cocky). But all of the people I talked to about the two situations had the same basic feelings which are basically: Kekky is so low-maintenance and so easily “pleased” that guys forget about her. She doesn’t get too excited for these “opportunities,” so the dudes lose interest based on the fact that she doesn’t seem interested enough.

Yeah. So, the fact that I was bugged at all by these two guys probably means that I’m not actually excited about dying alone. But I know damn good and well that I will never be happily married because committedness and taking care of people sounds like an uber sucky idea. I’ll be a terrible mother and have no interest and shoving a child out of my vagina. So… I guess we’ll just see what happens. It all boils down to not wanting to die alone but most definitely wanting to remain single. Weird.