*****'s Block.

Last night, I needed to write.  No ifs, no ands, no buts.  That's what I needed to do.  I had to get things off my chest.  However, there was no point in me writing because it was almost literally gibberish.  I was in the middle of my second page, single-space, 10-pt font when I realized what I had written was worthless shit.  It would have made sense to someone who could read my mind.

That's bad.  Because normally, my writing makes some sort of sense to at least one crazy person.  But reading over what I had written, I started actually worrying about my sanity.  My brain was all over the place.  So, I kept thinking I hard writer's block because I couldn't narrow myself to one topic.  Therefore, I can not decide what kind of block I was suffering from.  The fact that I felt like I got hit by a truck may have something to do with that.  It was like a mental road block.  

That said, I think I know where this came from. 

Last week, I wrote a 19-page personal, braided essay.  Personally, I feel it's really shittily written.  However, I have it in several friends' inboxes right now knowing that they will have invaluable input into my craft.  I also sent it to some non-writers who just enjoy reading (some specifically enjoy reading my writing).  So far, everyone I've heard from have said they like it.

This is slightly problematic.  Reason:  I can not post that on a blog.  Not really because of content, even though content does have it's roll in my decision not to post it.  The issue is that it's 19 pages long.  I have several other longer pieces that I kind of want to post.  

I crave criticism of my writing.  

There is only one way for me to have my "real" pieces criticized.  Get them posted in a spot where I can receive commentary that could help me become a better writer.  To that end, I have decided I have to suck it up and start a website.  For now, It'll mostly revolve around my writing.  Soon... Or something... Maybe I'll add things like video blogging - which, I have to say makes me laugh like hell.  But I've been told that I'd be good at it, so why not give it a shot.  At the very least, I could read (pretend to recite) my blog once a week or something.  And I can have random thoughts on random things and have multiple different types of blogging involved.  For example, I could have a tab that took you to a blog (of my writing) that revolves around music and another link that takes you to more creative writing pieces, and just my personal, whatever-the-hell-I-want-to-write-about writing, and then a link for my personal essays and whatnot.  

My issues with a website are fairly simple.  

• Seems overly confident and a little cocky.  I'm not really either of those things - especially about my writing.  I've always been a fan of "behind the scenes" stuff where I get little recognition.  I really like criticism because I just want to get better.  Don't care if you think it's good already.
• Some of the stuff I would post (the lengthier pieces) would truly make me feel naked to the world.  Which is probably ok, but still scary.

I think those are the two biggest issues.  Anyways, you can thank my life and the shit it's been throwing at me for making me decide I want to plug away at writing and attempt to truly get my crap up on the internet awaiting critique so that I can start truly improving.

You can also thank it for making my posts less and less creative and more and more boring, mundane, and bitchy.