Chris’ text read, “I’m so sorry I said I hate you and that you’re cheating on me. I don’t hate you and I know you’re not cheating on me, I just don’t feel you’re respectful to me when you talk to other guys.” Right then, I should have known to meet with him so I could end our relationship.
All I said was, “I know you are going through a lot. It’s ok. And I’ll try to avoid doing stuff like that.”
“K. I’ll see you in the morning. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After the break up with David, the only way I could keep my mind occupied was to hang out with some awesome friends and get pierced. It worked just as planned. Afterwards, I went home and was able to sleep rather well – which was abnormal.
I woke up the next morning to go to the Albuquerque Record Convention with Jonathan, my best friend who kind of doubles as a husband (minus anything romantic). While walking in, I got a text message from my friend Pete whose mother Mary, who is like a grandmother to me, had just passed away. It read, “Good morning, love. Call when you get a chance. Wanted to talk about Mom’s service. Had a question for you.” The memorial service was the next day and immediately I knew that Peter wanted me to speak or sing during the service. I called right away and was in tears by the end of the phone call in which we really only decided that I would be participating in the service and would meet later that afternoon to discuss details.
I had always given myself a tear limit. I’m never allowed to cry uncontrollably about death or breakups. I hate crying. Most of the tears I have shed in my life are caused by frustration at myself, stress, or anger. I could not keep the tears from streaming down my face as I walked to get in line with Jonathan.
“I can’t stop, Jonathan. I’m so upset. Everything is going to hell. This is absolutely ridiculous. Everything is going wrong at once. Mary is dead and my boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – dumped me over text. What do I do to make my life go so shitty and down the crap shoot all at once?”
“I don’t know, dear. It’ll be ok. You can handle it all. And you don’t have to be involved in Mary’s service tomorrow. You can definitely say ‘no’ to that.” He gave me a hug as he attempted to comfort me.
“How in God’s green earth do you tell a friend that you won’t sing in his mom’s funeral? You don’t. I have to do that. I could kill David. And then I could start doing better.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“You will not get your hands—“
His hands slid down my pants and grappled to get under my panties.
I squirmed and kicked. Thrashing and screaming.
“Stop moving. You know you want this.”
I raised my elbow and pulled with my shoulder to swat him however I could. I didn’t care what I hit. For all I cared, he could bleed to death on top of me, but he wasn’t going to get what he wanted.
I raised my elbow and pulled with my shoulder to swat him however I could. I didn’t care what I hit. For all I cared, he could bleed to death on top of me, but he wasn’t going to get what he wanted.
He seemed to get heavier and heavier and the pressure of his hands in my pants and around my wrists seemed almost unbearable as I did everything I could to get away.
Suddenly, he made it under my panties.
I felt his hand continue to slide down my inner thigh.
I screamed. I don’t know what I screamed.
I was scared and my fright was making my head spin.
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