David and I only dated for about five months before he dumped me four weeks ago – at the beginning of our sixth month being together. I was so far from ready to be dumped, but after tonight, I think I may be at peace with it. Not because I realized he was truly a bad person, but because I truly believe everything with “us” will be alright now – whether that be friendship or a rekindling or our relationship. The fact that my heart felt like it had gotten ripped out has been completely bandaged – but only bandaged.
He texted me before I texted him to tell him I got home, “Did I hurt you when I kicked you?” Cute, I thought.
“Of course not. It takes quite a bit to hurt me. I’ve been walking on a broken foot for the last eight months. (Insert sticking-out-tongue emoticon here) But thanks for checking. (Another emoticon, but this time, just a smiley face)”
“Ok. I’ll kick harder next time. (Insert a winky-face emoticon here)”
“You’re lucky you were tired. I went easy on you. (Yet another winking face)” From there the conversation turned into nothing but “Psh” from him when I told him I was cute… and that he wanted to admit it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My piano playing was abruptly interrupted by Sean’s addition to the music with banging his rough hands all over the keys I wasn’t playing. That was interrupted by him closing the lid to the keyboard so I couldn’t play anymore. I wasn’t really sure what to say. I wasn’t going to fight him or yell at him – he was an angry person with extensive training in Tae Kwon Do. He kept holding down the cover and finally held my arms so I couldn’t try to play.
“Stop playing the piano. It’s annoying,” he said.
I could hear a screaming and shouting match being “mediated” by Jerry Springer in the next room. I shouted, “Caleb! Get Sean away from me. He won’t let me practice and he’s holding me down.”
“Eh, he won’t do anything,” he said calmly. I knew that wasn’t altogether true. I didn’t know what could happen, but I knew I didn’t like what was already happening to me.
Suddenly, Sean dragged me over to the couch, threw me down and laid on top of me. I screamed for Caleb several times.
“Come get him off me!”
It didn’t hurt, but it was frightening.
“He won’t get off of me!”
I kicked and kicked, doing everything I could to hit him with my knee or foot in hopes of causing him pain.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
How David became my ex-boyfriend? A few weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio at a Westside Albuquerque, New Mexico Starbucks waiting for my friend Nik. It was gorgeous outside. Rain is not all that common in Albuquerque, so I loved it when it was cloudy, blustery and rather stormy. There was a slight breeze that occasionally turned to wind. If I were a calmer, more relaxed and peaceful person, just sitting there would have been perfect.
After about two minutes of lounging with my feet on the chair in front of me, I was bored numb. Out came my cell phone.
Cell phones can be great, but when you’re bored, they can get you in trouble and turn into a nightmare. That’s when I shot out about four text messages to friends with hopes of getting at least response. My friend Ally responded. Ally is one of my best friends who talks me through my mind’s overactivity. Which often means talking in circles with me and hearing me say some incredibly ridiculous things and being annoyed at myself. My text read, “So, I’m on the Westside meeting friends. My friend Nik, from elementary school, may move in with me. Do you think that’ll be ok with David?”
Ally: Why wouldn’t it be?
Me: Well, he is a dude and David is my boyfriend. He may not be ok with me living with a dude.
Ally: I dunno. You could always undo it if David isn’t ok with it.
I’d been insecure with my relationship for about five days (irrationally, as far as I knew). I say five days mostly because it sounds good. I don’t really know how long it had been; long enough for me to be bothered, but not so long that I really had reason. I had even told him I was a little insecure about our relationship lately and wasn’t really sure he was still into me. He definitely assured me that that was not the case.
Me: Well, he’s been seeming off anyhow. Like he’s not really as into me as he was.
Ally: I doubt it. He seems crazy about you.
Me: Sometimes I think he’s in love, sometimes I think I’m just that girl he’s with.
Ally: I dunno. I think he’s still in love with you. But I guess you may wanna talk to him about it if you’re that insecure about it. But remember that everyone is insecure sometimes.
Me: Yeah. I know. But not me, normally.
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